I have a tendency to blog when I am happy, because that’s what makes me happy.
I have a hard enough time talking about hard things, that I have an even harder time blogging about them.
When I talk about hard things, I talk to the people closest to me.
When I blog, I am blogging to thousands of people across the world, and I don’t get to have personal relationships with you all.
I realize, that because I have a habit of only blogging when I’m happy, my life may seem a bit perfect online, and that is just not the truth.
I learned at a young age (started at 13) that feeling happy and having things feel “perfect” was my sheild. My sense of “I’ve got it together, and I can take care of this myself. No matter what’s going on around me, I will not break.”
What I am here to say to you all today, is that everything in my life is not all happy and perfect.
My life, my faith, my family, my job, my personal relationships, my love, my eating, my body, etc… everything is not perfect.
I apologize to you all that I tend to not blog when things get rough and rocky.
Here’s how it goes in my head:
“I don’t want to blog today, because I don’t have anything happy to share. I don’t know how to post hurt, or disagreements, or family struggles, or relationship struggles, or eating issues. I want to be the encourager. How can I be the encourager if I’m not sharing happy, positive, encouraging, good, things?”
What I am learning though, is that life is not perfect. And the people that have their $#!+ together, are the ones who are standing in it. The ones who are walking through their hard times. Fighting the battles when they come, and not escaping them. What I am learning, is to face the battles, and to walk through them. I am learning this with the encouragement that pain doesn’t last forever, and happiness doesn’t last forever – both pain and happiness are feelings. Change is constant.
Things are hard right now in my life. They just are. And I am walking through the hard things, facing the battles, and moving through the motions. I am including the things in my life that are important to me: quiet time, Church, women’s groups, meeting with friends, doing things for others, resting, reading, loving my family, fiance, and friends, praying, and still trying to be good at what I do.
The truth is, I’m not entirely sure what to share with the outside world through my blog, because some things really are just personal. But, my first step is sharing that life is not perfect for me. I face the struggles. My family goes through things. My relationship isn’t all butterflies, it takes work. I know that even through the hard times, God is with me – therefore I am never alone. This sermon spoke wonders to me last Sunday. If you’ve been following Daisy Love online, this is her Dad, Britt Merrick talking about their journey with their 8 year old daughter who has been battling Cancer for over 3 years now.
Do you guys ever go through this? Do you sometimes focus all on the good, in order to not feel (or face) the bad? How do you become more comfortable with having hard things in your life?
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
I think that even though we all know that everyone goes thru difficult times, that if you as a blogger want to post them or not, it’s your choice. However if you do choose to share with us, then it may give readers a positive feeling that things CAN get better. Your positive energy radiates throughout your posts. To learn that people CAN and WILL overcome difficult times in their lives is a major inspiration to some. I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I’ve had very difficult life in the past 2-6 years, kept it to myself, but when I finally opened up and shared my feelings with family/friends, that was my breaking point! Thats when I realized what needed to be done/changed in my life. To share our hardships doesn’t make us weak to everyone, it just shows we’re human, but to know that maybe someone can relate to me (or you) on that level, could be a positive thing and have a positive impact. I hope this makes sense? Anyway- I love your blogs!!!! =)
Renee, this totally makes sense. Thank you so much for your feedback! It is truly appreciated.
Paige I love your honesty in this post and feel exactly the same – it is so easy to focus on the good (and we should!) without even acknowledging the bad. Hope this period of your life passes and everything gets better very soon.
Claire @ Flake and Cake recently posted..Chocolate!
Thank you Claire. It is nice to hear that another blogger can relate
Hello, cousin!
It’s taken me over 30 years to realize this, but our willingness to share our difficulties with others helps them to feel less alone. I have gone through much of my life trying to do more than everyone else, be perfect, and never let them realize how hard it is (and how lonely it can be). As a result, I was really successful and ended up really struggling inside. It hasn’t been until recently where I’ve called deep on my courage and begun to admit to others out loud that things aren’t easy. That it takes work and dedication to achieve your dreams. That you have to sacrifice. And that sometimes, the things you choose to sacrifice aren’t the right things and you end up in a state where your body and spirit are worn out. My life had to fall apart in order for me to realize that people don’t need you to be perfect — they need you to be real, and honest. Only by admitting that we are vulnerable and imperfect and often scared do we really connect with other people because we all feel that way. We all want to be encouraging and sending out a positive message to the world, but every day is not sunshine and roses. It’s OK to say, “This day really challenged my love, my faith, my commitment — but I am still in the ring and fighting for what I believe.” You know in your heart who you are and what you want your life to look like, which is more than most people your age. It has been such a pleasure to watch you grow into such a fine young woman. I am thinking of you and sending you lots of prayers. If you ever need to talk, I am a phone call, email, or Facebook message away.
I love you,
molly
Oh Molly, I so look up to you! That’s why I reached out to you before. You are so strong! And so wise! It’s part of being Vulnerable, just like that Video you shared with me. I love what you said here “people don’t need you to be perfect — they need you to be real, and honest.” Thank you so much for being so great to me. I appreciate your love and I love you too <3
So perfectly written, Paige. We all go through challenging seasons in our lives. Much like you, I tend to only focus on the happy stuff publicly, but there are big things going on that no one would even know about. I love you and we’ll grow from these trials in so many ways. Our loving Creator has such great paths and plans for us all. <3
He DOES doesn’t he? We listened to a Sermon this past Sunday where Pastor Britt talked about his Daughter Daisy Love, and he said that the question is not “WHY am I going through this?” it’s “Even though I am going through this, God never leaves my side.”
I read Unglued recently and I wish I would have found that book sooner. It’s great for finding ways to deal with stressful things. Lots of really good verses.
All you can do is do what you should do then let go and let God, right? No point in stressing, only makes it worse. Something I wish I could live by but I’m a stresser! Everything will always work out.
When I’m having a bad time I just try even harder to find peace and rest. I don’t like airing out my dirty laundry either – just an easy way to get hurt.
Nobody’s life is perfect!! I hope you aren’t getting flack for only posting positive-your posts are always uplifting.
Thank you, and no, everyone through this blog has always been encouraging. I have been so lucky to have verrry little negativity come through here. I just love sharing the good – and I know that’s okay. But I don’t want anyone to be discouraged because they think I don’t go through hard things, because I do. It’s really encouraging to me to know that so many people here support me.
I totally understand where you are coming from. When I have a bad day I don’t want to blog either. Nothing wrong with that. I guess some people just like reading about others’ struggles to get away from theirs…just a thought.
I love reading your blog b/c it is happy and cheerful and full of great info that you are learning along the way.
Stephanie recently posted..New OBS: Let. It. Go.
Thank you Stephanie! Did you get my email? Would love to talk to you about IIN more
I only read a few blogs.. and recently I deleted some of them off my reading list because they were making me feel as tho I am less than them.. nothing crazy or dramatic.. I just know when to cut ties with anything that is sending negative vibes my way.. I thought about deleting yours because you just seem so cute, happy, thin, healthy, and your relationship is ridiculously adorable.. I know that what people show on blogs or FB is just what they choose to show. It’s not everything. It must be sooo awkard to only post the happy times.. because you feel fake in a way.. But what’s the alternative? Air your (and other people in your life who may not what their business aired) dirty laundry.. But I decided to keep reading yours because I believe you are genuine. You may not share your arguements.. BUT you don’t ever act like you don’t have them! I think you are a great blogger..
Girl Child recently posted..Back on track
I appreciate your honesty! Yes, I love sharing the good things in life, because I think it’s wonderful to acknowledge and be thankful for the good things in our lives. I am sometimes an over acknowledger – I will say thank you 10 times instead of once. You know? But, I do promise to always be honest and genuine. Whatever I post is true – that’s a promise. I am so glad that I posted this because I want people to know that while I may have many good things in my life, I too struggle just like everyone else – it is a part of life, and our Character shows in the way we deal with the hard times. Thank you for reading my blog
Hi Paige, I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now and find you such a lovely, inspiring person. I’ve just turned 30 and can completely relate to the idea of trying to portray perfectionism and not facing the bad times. My husband and friends will attest to the fact that you won’t know anything’s wrong with me until I’ve been through the whole ordeal and have either reached breaking point and need help and/or have come out the other side and can tell the story of it.
I’m learning this isn’t the way to face hard times though – when I talk about my issues and lean on others, it’s amazing the advice and support you’ll receive. I totally understand not sharing everything on your blog but I’m sure this post and its comments will prove you can lean on us too and we’ll help out in any way we can.
I hope whatever is getting you down improves soon. We all understand life isn’t perfect and remember the saying: It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow
Have a great day!
x
Thank you so much Gigi. Yes, absolutely this post has shown that my blog is a comfortable place to share when I am having a rough day. I am so thankful for readers like you, taking the time to read, and reply to my post. Thank you so much for your openness. I agree – it is so nice to be able to open up to others and get advice and support.
I really agree with Renee and Molly! I love your blog and while we all know that bloggers aren’t perfect, sometimes it is good to be able to hear that their life has ups and downs and everything doesn’t always work out but they STILL come out on top and stay strong! My parents drank a lot and had some addictions when I was younger, and I was SO embarrassed I would never say a word (not that most people didn’t know). But a couple years ago I started talking about it with different people and I was AMAZED at how many other people were or had going through the same thing that I had, and me just talking about that one little thing was able to help these people so much! Not to mention the impact it had on me knowing I wasn’t alone. My mother is sober now and has been for a while, she is my best friend now but sometimes I do think about how wonderful it would have been if I would have had someone talk to ME when I was younger. You have a really great opportunity to reach a ton of girls with your blog. It may be that sometimes the harder times in your life can be the most help to others! Not to mention the fact that we are ALL here to support you!
Just a little “food” for thought! Haha.
Alex, I feel you on the drinking – my Mom does not, my Dad does, and it is so hard to deal with. Know that you are so loved. I am glad that you were/are able to open up to people. It’s so nice not to have to hold things in. Thank you for your support, and being able to share a part of your story to relate to me <3
Everybody slips into the trap of comparing themselves to ideals in life. Life is not a magazine photograph but we all envy the lifestyle. Dont we? These are natural feelings. How can you blame us when we are inundated with billboards, advertising, and media?
I noticed a lot of blogs slip into this mindset as well, i.e., overly staged photographs and articles. How boring!
You obviously don’t need to post anything too personal if you don’t want to.
I think a little self censorship is good for the online world. I personally keep Facebook posts to a bare minimum. Who do I need to impress? I think people generally can get a clear impression of who you are without explanation/boasting.
I would only say to be yourself. You are a positive person otherwise you wouldn’t choose to be something like a health coach.
Nobody is always 100% happy. Otherwise they would get a punch in the face. Haha.
Love you,
Sister
Jinna, I love you and am so thankful you are my Sister. Thank you for calling me and checking in with me yesterday. I always love talking to you. And I agree- blogs need to be about real life. Not the perfect picture. I know, I don’t need to post anything to personal, but it would be nice to be able to say “yesterday was really hard” without feeling weird about it.. I agree with you on the facebook level too. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t post so much! Thank you soo much for your support, Sister.
Hey, I know what you mean. I had a difficult life growing up with all sorts of crazy family problems (not just the “I don’t get along with my family” stuff either), so I understand not wanting to let that out for everyone to know online.
It IS ok to just say on your blog that “today was a tough one but I’m looking forward to tomorrow” or “I had a disagreement with someone today and it made me frustrated”. If you feel like sharing you can just say stuff like that and then get on with whatever else you would rather talk about in detail. Letting others know that you have problems too (without unneeded details) reminds them that us bloggers aren’t perfect either!
Alyssa Ashby recently posted..Five minutes with Kathryn Presner
Exactly Alyssa! Perfect advice. Thank you for your support and always taking the time to read my blogs and comment
Dear Paige,
Knowing you for many years, and watching you evolve into a lovely woman, has been a very pleasant and interesting experience me. For I have had the opportunity to see first hand many of the “behind the scenes” life challenges you’ve had in your life. I know of your hurts, your joys, your commitments, your disappointments, your passions and your losses. But what has amazed me is the way you have maintained your dignity, faith, and dedication to step over the pile and keep on walking. All with perseverance and compassion and head held high. A young person experiences all of life’s challenges in a much more concentrated dose than someone older. As you mature life provides you with priorities and so those issues that were so earth shattering get put in a proper order and maintained according to your schedule. Drama is less desired and at times can become entertainment material instead of dread.
You are bringing education, inspiration as well as commonality to many people. Yes, we’re happy to see you’re in love and yes we’re happy to see how excited you get when you share a new idea or lifestyle change…. but what I believe is the magic of your blog is the fact that it takes us away from our own problems. It’s a pleasant interlude of the day without alot of “drama”…. Sharing a challenge, with a little honesty and perhaps humor makes it real, but honestly, there are so many deep dark cathartic blogs for people to tune in to to turn on… And some people enjoy relating to misery especially if it’s being generated by someone else.
What I’m trying to say is….. You’re honest, you’re clever and refreshing. Keep the drama for those who watch soap operas and keep on giving us your happiness and growing positivity. And don’t apologize if you don’t feel like writing a blog on a certain day… we’re willing to wait for the next best wave to come along…
love,
Joanne
Thank you Joanne! I feel lucky to have known (and still know, hehe) you for so long!
Hey Paige, I’m your cousin Joey’s fiance and I really enjoy reading your blog! You have been helpful in so many ways! You are so good at writing and I can tell how passionate you are. Just writing about how you are feeling can be cathartic and allow you to use your followers as a support system. I think people reading your blog would find it just as helpful to see how you deal with struggles as it is the stuff you normally blog about. Keep your chin up!!
Chantal recently posted..Thrifty
Hi Chantal! Congrats to you and Joey! We should talk more
Thank you for talking the time to comment I appreciate your support!
I think it a really true post, Paige! No one has a perfect life, and I never thought for one second that your life is perfect. I just really like your attitude toward life in general. You are so positive, honest and sweet. Even thogh I don’t know you personal you truly are a bigger inspiration to me than you could ever imagine. You have helped me listen to my body and you are the one who inspired me to finally get out of my eating disorder. And I really want to thank you for that!
You should only post about the “negative” things in your life if you feel truly comfortable with sharing it. You should never ever feel pressured to post about the imperfections in your life. From experience I know it’s hard to talk about. So do it if you feel okay about it, and if not don’t do it
No matter what you decide I will keep reading your blog!
Awe Heidi your comment blessed me so much! I cannot tell you how thankful I feel that my blog encouraged you to dump an eating disorder – I know how hard that can be! Good for you! Thank you for reading my blog, and being encouraged. I hope that never stops <3
We all have our ups and downs. I like to look as life as a roller coaster. What roller coaster is fun with only ups? Problems in life are a pain, but they make life memorable and more interesting. I hope that you feel better!
Brittany @ DulceVie recently posted..Friday Faves: Stress Relief
That is true! And to be present and active on the roller coaster is very good! Instead of being afraid to go on it and avoiding it all together… wow, did that make sense? Haha!
My therapist and I have been working on how sometimes it is easier to deal with things once you share them with others. Kind of like ” you’re only as sick as your secrets.” Not to say that everyone should run around spewing their personal problems, but acknowledging them to others sometimes make it a little more manageable. It gives you someone/something to hold you accountable for making sure you get your stuff together. I hope things start looking up for you soon!!
Thank you Amy! This is really uplifting because actually, since I wrote this post things have been getting better. I also have support from my fiance, family, and friends… which is a huge blessing in itself… It DOES feel good to share. Thank you!